Bergland Bay Bar

Weather: Almost 50 and rain

Trail Conditions: Mush

Almost into the 50’s today.  And a nice steady rain, that will cause some thawing around here.  Temps are on the rise for the next few weeks so maybe the ice will be off the Lake in time for the Walleye opener on the 15th of May.  Should be a good opener if the ice is late, it was last year.  I have rental units open for fishing season, just call the bar.

The bar will be closed Easter Sunday and Monday, Becker and I are going to the food show in Greenbay.

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: Thank you. It’s on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman: What’s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? .
Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore

There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. “Hey kid!” the farmer says. “Where ya goin’ with that wire?” “Well,” the kid drawls, “this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s chicken wire – I’m fixin’ to catch me some chickens!” “You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!” “Sure I can!” the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he’s got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire. Well, the farmer’s sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. “Hey kid!” the farmer yells. “Where ya goin’ with that tape?” “Well, this here ain’t just any ol’ tape, this here’s duck tape – I’m fixin’ to catch me some ducks!” “You can’t catch ducks with duck tape!” the farmer yells back. “Sure I can!” the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can’t believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape. The next day the farmer’s sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick. “Hey kid!” the farmer says. “Where ya goin’ with that stick?” “Well, this here ain’t just any old stick, this here’s pussy willow.” “Hang on,” the farmer says, “I’ll get my hat.”

Weather: 40 and Sunny

Trail Conditions: Probably turning to mush

Tune in today and watch the snow melt.  40 degrees and sunny will make for a wet sloppy day for us.  I think we will loose a lot of the wet snow that dropped yesterday.  I’m itching to take the side by side out for a little ride but the trails need to dry out some.  First we’ll need a foot or so of snow to melt off them, but that is only the rail grade, I’m sure there is a whole lot more out in the woods.

An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumbles into a Podiatrist’s office instead and weaves over to the receptionist. With out looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, “Stick it through that curtain.” Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pulls out his penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtains. “That’s not a foot!” screams the nurse on duty. “Holy shit, lady!” the drunk exclaims, “I never knew you had a minimum!”

Weather: 12 inches of white shit

Trail Conditions: Fresh white shit all over

Did I mention that we got 12 inches of white shit?  We have seen enough of this.  LOL Well I guess it is not over until Mother Nature says it is over.  It looks like we got about a foot, but into the 50’s for next week.  Rain too so next week we should get rid of a lot of snow.  We’ll see what happens on the Lake, May 15 is opener for Walleye, last year they had a fantastic opener with the ice going off the Lake real late.  Maybe it will be time to stock up the freezers with Walleye once again……….

Weather: Snows a coming

Trail Conditions: Fresh snow

5-8, 10-12, forecasts are all over the place.  I put my plow back on so hopefully that will make the snow miss us.  Fat chance, if we don’t want it, it will be here for sure.  I guess we could just pretend it is winter and then it would be a welcome site.  Keep an eye on the web cams start this afternoon.

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?”   “Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub.”   “Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”   “No” he said. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”   ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON … OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE? :

Weather: Snow

Trail Conditions: A fresh inch or 2 of snow

And More on the way.  Not sure what is in store for us tomorrow, only time will tell I guess.  8 inches, possibly more, everyone up here is sick of snow.

“DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?” THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES. 
“YES, SIR,” THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED. 
“WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE,” THE BOSS WENT ON. “AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S FUNERAL, SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU!”

Weather: 20’s for two days, then up into the 30’s

Trail Conditions: Frozen

Snow on the ground, LOL Just what we needed, a nice refresh.  Gonna be a late Spring.  That’s OK, we don’t need all this snow to melt at one time.

Lucky Kristie, my sister in law Etha, read the blog yesterday and seen Kristie missed out on the enchilada’s and sent her a couple down yesterday. Thanks Sister in Law.

Weather: Up to 40 today and then back into the high 20’s for two days

Trail Conditions: Slush and Mud, OH and ice on the way

Monday and Tuesday are showing highs in the 20’s.  Ain’t no Spring here. Maybe next week.  Slow around here for now, but I’m itching to get the side by side out.  Poor Kristie had to sit and watch me eat Enchiladas at the bar yesterday, I think she was drooling on my plate.  I’m sure glad my sister in law likes me better than she likes Kristie LOL.

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, “Ain’t no use knockin’! There’s no paper on this side either!”

Weather: Back into the 30’s

Trail Conditions: Slush and Mud

39 for a high today, but only 28 for a high on Monday.  Temps like these are going to make it tough for the ice on Lake Gogebic to be out in time for the Walleye Opener the 15th of May.  LAST YEAR THERE WAS STILL ICE ON THE LAKE ON MAY 14TH.  And the fishing was fantastic for opener.  If you fish you might want to start thinking about making plans for May 15th.

I have the apartment above the bar and the 2 bedroom house next door open, if interested give me a call at the bar.

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn’t swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, “Do you need help, sir?” The preacher calmly said “No, God will save me.” A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, “Hey, do you need help?” The preacher replied again, “No God will save me.” Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?” God replied, “Fool, I sent you two boats!”

Weather: High 50’s Today

Trail Conditions: Melting away, wind and warm are taking their toll

Come on sunshine!!!!  WTF snow is in the forecast.  The last time we had snow last year was May 23rd, so I guess we got a ways to go before Spring hits the UP.  I’m itching to get the Commander out, I almost got it out of the barn yesterday, but I have a few jobs around the bar that need to get done before I think about doing that.  Not to mention getting the rest of my income tax info to the accountant.

Headache
> ————————-
>
> The Doctor said: “The good news is I can cure your headaches…The bad
> news is that it will require castration.
> You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up
> against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a
> headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the
> testicles.”
>
> Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
> for. He couldn’t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had
> no choice but to go under the knife.
> When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in
> over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of
> himself.
> As he walked down the street he realized he felt like a different
> person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a
> men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need, a new suit.”
>
> The elderly salesman eyed him quickly and said, “Let’s see, you’re a
> size 44 long.”
>
> Joe laughed and said, “That’s right, how did you know?”
>
> “Been in the business 60 years!”
>
> Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the
> mirror, the tailor asked, “How about a new shirt?” Joe thought for a
> moment and then said, “Sure.”
>
> “Let’s see, 16 and a half neck, 34 sleeve.”
>
> Joe was surprised. “How did you know?”
>
> “Been in the business 60 years.” The shirt fit perfectly.
>
> As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the salesman said, “You could
> use new shoes.”
>
> Since Joe was on a roll, he said, “Sure.”
>
> The man eyed Joe’s feet and said, “9-1/2E.”
>
> Joe was astonished. “That’s right. How did you know?”
>
>
> “Been in the business 60 years.” Joe tried on the shoes and they also
> fit perfectly.
>
> As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, “How
> about new underwear?”
>
> Joe thought for a second and said, “Why not.”
>
> The man stepped back, eyed Joe’s waist and said, “Let’s see, size 36.”
>
> Joe laughed. “Finally I’ve got you! I’ve worn size 32 since I was 18
> years old.”
>
> The tailor shook his head. “You can’t wear a size 32. Size 32
> underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine
> and give you one hell of a headache.”

Weather: High 40’s Today

Trail Conditions: Melting away

It is that time again where I may have to go off and get drunk and do something real stupid just so I have something to write about.  No I am not going to taser myself.

JW’s BBQ and Brew opened up on the highway yesterday, I stopped in last night after I closed the bar up early.  At least one bar in Bergland was open, LOL.

Josey wasn’t the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. “Who is the creator of the universe?” Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, “God almighty!” The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, “Tell me who is our lord and savior?” Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, “Jesus Christ!” The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?” Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, “If you stick that thing in me again, I’ll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!”