Archive for August 21, 2014

The ice bucket challenge

Weather: Rain for half a week now

Trail Conditions: No Dust, not one bit

I was nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge earlier in the week by Mike Peters and Brian Parpart. Thanks guys I thought you were my friends LOL. Sorry to say but Becker has been gone for a week or so helping out her daughter and I have been busy with my mom.  I have been pre-occupied with a few things so I was not able to do it at this time. So ………….. I donated $100 to ALS for now.  Besides who wants to see my fat ass standing there with hard nipples and a whole lot of shrinkage going on?

Rain and wolves in Bergland

Weather: Rain for a week

Trail Conditions: No Dust, not one bit

Our weather sure did a 180.  From sunny everyday to rainy everyday. Doesn’t bother me though, I would rather be here in the rain than down in Florida in the sun. Only bad part is it is watering the mosquitos and them little bastards are starting to come out again.  Bees are also appearing out of no where too.

I seen a wolf yesterday right up from the house on M28, that’s the second one I’ve seen this year. I tried slowing down to get a pic but it ran away.

An old man walked into the confessional at the cathedral and said to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. Last night I had an affair, and I made love to two 18 year old girls. Both of them. Twice.” 

The priest replied, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?” 

“Never Father, I’m Jewish.” 

The priest paused, and then asked, “So then, why are you telling me?” 

“Hey, I’m telling everybody.” 

Miller takes lunch Money

Weather: Another fricken gentle rain coming down

Trail Conditions: No Dust

Loss for words again here, not much going on, except for Miller sneaking into town stealing kids lunch money that is.  You’d have to know Miller as many of you do.

House hunting for Mom was a bust, I thought we were going to put a deal together but it just didn’t happen.  Gonna suck for sure when she heads back to Indiana.  For now I am going to head to Duluth so she can spend some time with brother Mark.

There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist. 

A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, “Ma’am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat.” 

She said, “Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old; this hat is brand new!” 

Nice gentle rain falling in Bergland

Weather: A gentle rain coming down

Trail Conditions: No Dust

It is a great day to go for a ride, especially in a SxS.  Got a roof and a windshield? It would be great riding with no dust and near 70 temps for the next few days.  Besides the rain keeps us all green up here.

It’s off to Minnesota for Mom for a few days or weeks to visit brother Mark. It will be good for her to get away and forget about the house hunting we have been doing.  Unfortunately things didn’t fall into place and she’ll be going back to Indiana for the winter.

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. 

One lady turns and asks, “Do you still get horny?” 

The other replies, “Oh sure I do.” 

The first old lady asks, “What do you do about it?” 

The second old lady replies, “I suck a lifesaver.” 

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, “Who drives you to the beach?” 

I’d walk a mile for a Camel

Weather: Gloomy and Cool. I like it

Trail Conditions: I think I hear them calling me

What can I say or do today?  It’s cloudy and cool today but no rain in sight according to the forecast.  I’m going to church with Mom this morning, 11am at St Annes, there is a Mass for Louie Wolfe today.  If you are in town stop on in, lightening never stuck when I first walked through the doors.

Other than that I am not sure what the day will bring.  I gotta get moving on getting some of the summer chores done, fall is coming quick it looks like.

 

Two old ladies, Sunny and Tina, were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. 

Tina pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. 

Sunny: “What’s that?” 

Tina: “A condom.” 

Sunny: “Where’d you get it?” 

Tina: “You can get them at any Wallgreens” 

The next day, Sunny hobbled into the local Wallgreens and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a pack of condoms. 

The guy looked at her strangely (she was, after all, in her eighties), but politely asked what brand she preferred. 

“Doesn’t matter,” she replied, “as long as it fits on a Camel.” 

The pharmacist fainted.

Friday was a good day to drink

Weather: Beautiful Still, no rain in sight

Trail Conditions: Ready for a ride

Holy moly did the beer and tiquilia go down good last night.  Why does it taste so much better some days. Never drink when you are pissed I guess, but on the other hand it is better to be mad than sad.  LOL   I don’t want to go into what I was mad about, all I can say is house hunting with your mom can get to be a little much, and it wasn’t mom that got me mad.

 

A Priest was about to  finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he had  spent years teaching the natives, when he realized that the one thing he had  never taught them, was how to speak  English.

 

So he takes the chief  for a walk in the forest.

He  points to a tree and says to the chief, “This is a  tree.”

The chief looks at the  tree and grunts, “Tree.”

The  Priest is pleased with the  response.

They walk a little  further and he points to a rock and says,

“This is a  rock.”

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, “Rock.”

The  Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a  rustling in the bushes.

As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of  natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really  flustered and quickly responds, “Man riding a bike.”

The chief looks at  the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both.

 

The Priest  goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe  how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in  cold blood that way?

The chief replied, “My bike.”

Bergland is Cool

Weather: Beautiful Still

Trail Conditions: Good day to ride, nice tomorrow too

Another beautiful day in Bergland. 60 degrees in the house this morning but 5 minutes of the furnace solved that. Possible rain on Saturday but who the hell cares.  Live for today I guess.

Sad news about Robin Williams, it is even worse that Social Media or TV will not let him RIP.  It has to be hell on his family.  Good thing we are not famous, hopefully none of us will have to deal with what his family is dealing with. Millions of people can say positive things and one asshole is negative and what does everyone remember?  Kind of reminds me of the joke about the Bridge Builder.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN’T LOOK THAT OLD.
WELL . . . YOU’LL LOVE THIS ONE.

MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL ..

‘YES. YES, I DID. I’M A MUSTANG,’ HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?’ I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, ‘IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?’

YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!’, I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY,

     OLD, BALD, 

     WRINKLED FACED,

     FAT-ASSED,

     GRAY-HAIRED,

     DECREPIT SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, 

‘WHAT DID YOU TEACH??? 

Gogebic County Fair this weekend

Weather: Beautiful Day Again

Trail Conditions: Good day to ride, nice tomorrow too

Well the house hunting for mom has come to an end for now.  It was a nice thought but we just couldn’t come to terms.  A couple more nice days in store for us then it looks like a little rain for the weekend. Kind of slow news wise up here, not a lot going on right now. But the Gogebic County Fair is going on in Ironwood starting Thursday.  Just google it and their website has a schedule of what is going on.  I wouldn’t mine checking out the Lowell Street Band but I doubt I will be able to make it.  My Rienhart guy, Kevin Maki plays in the band, they are pretty good I hear.

This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.

“Doc, I think my pecker is just too damn small,” he says.

The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.

Well, American beer,” he replies quite bemused.

“Aaaahhh. There’s your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers.. you should try drinking Guinness.

That makes things grow.”

Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face.

He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.

“I take it you now drink Guinness?” asked the doctor.

“Oh no, Doc,” replies the man, “but I’ve got the wife on American beer!”

The night the lights went out in Bergland

Weather: Beautiful Day

Trail Conditions: Good day to ride

I woke up yesterday to the fan and tv going off in the bedroom at 7:15am, upon an intense investigation (the locals all circling the block) I concluded the whole neighborhood was out of power. I jumped in the truck and drove to Bergland to see if they had power, which they did not, so I couldn’t get mom a coffee. I remembered I had a generator at the bar so I brought it home so I could make mom coffee.  When I got there the propane guy was filling me up so naturally I was bitching about paying that bill. Mom got up and asked what was going on and I told her Becker didn’t pay the damn light bill.  Then mom stepped up and said honey I have money and I can help you out, you need electricity.

We mad coffee and toast with the generator on the back porch in the rain.  What a nice morning. At 10am the lights came back on.  The End

Hey I’m reaching here, not a lot going on right now. I have writer’s block.

 

Waisted days and rainy nights

Weather: Rainy Day

Trail Conditions: Good news is there is no dust

A little bit of rain won’t hurt a thing.  As if we had a choice.  But truthfully we needed the rain, keeps the grass growing and forests green.  I’m sure everyone riding the trails will appreciate the rain to keep down the dust too.  The rest of the week looks great.

I actually had 6 people come into the bar Saturday and ask me for beefs, I get many more days like that and I am going to be forced to start cooking again during the summer.

little boy : mummy is god a girl or a boy?

mummy: why god is both girl and boy

little boy: mummy is god black or white?

mummy: why god is both black and white

little boy: mummy is god gay or strait?

mummy: why god is both gay and strait

little boy: mummy is god Michael Jackson?