Archive for January 21, 2015

1-22-15 12:01 am

Weather: Temps in the 20’s for a high the next few days then a little warmer for the weekend

Trail Conditions: Good to poor

I was a little harsh on Wednesday’s trail report. At least by what some people said. 8 east seems to be the biggest problem right now. It sees a lot of traffic and it is pretty rough from what I have been hearing. Hopefully the groomers can get that one flattened out. Th good news is I heard 13 north was pretty good today.

Right now it is too hard for me to say what is good and what is bad, it seems to change daily. I will try to keep up as best I can.

A shout out from the Coors Light Gang. (Damn I look like shit)

IMG_0986

A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of ‘a house of ill repute’ and knocked on the door. 

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. 

He said, ‘I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I’m not leaving until I get it. 

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, ‘Do any of the girls have any diseases?’ 

Of course the Madam said ‘No’. 

The boy said, ‘I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber – THAT’S the girl I want.’ 

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. 

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. 

The Madam stopped him and asked, ‘Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?’ 

He said, ‘Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he’ll give her one in the car and he’ll catch the disease..

Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter’s, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it. 

In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE’S the prick who ran over my FROG!’

1-21-15 9:30am

Weather: Temps in the 20’s for a high the next few days

Trail Conditions: Fair to poor to bad

Seems like we can not catch a break this year. Warmer temps are not allowing groomers to get the trails in good shape that will hold for more than a few hours. No much good reported by riders in our area, smooth in the morning and rough by the afternoon.

This came out the the paper today, I talked to these guys Monday I believe. Our thoughts and prayers are with the Family and Friends, if we can do anything please let us know.

EWEN – A man from Indiana is dead as the result of a snowmobile accident in southern Ontonagon County. Michigan State Police at the Wakefield post said the accident was reported shortly before 8 p.m. (CST) Monday on Snowmobile Trail No. 8, just east of Ewen. Police have identified the victim as 38-year-old Chad E. Keifer of West Layfayette, Indiana. Police said Keifer was southbound on the snowmobile trail when he failed to negotiate a turn and drove off an embankment. The snowmobile traveled onto the side of the roadway, crossed M-28 and continued to travel off the roadway.

Trails are much better

1-20-15 10:00am

Weather: Temps in the 20’s for a high the next few days

Trail Conditions: Good to OK

Much better trail conditions overall. Groomers are out and trying to catch up. I would still try to avoid trail 13 north to Rockland if you can for a while. Most of the people I talked to yesterday said conditions were good, except for 13 north.

I was sent this link about Sweden trying to slow down drivers on their roads. I think it would be a good idea to slow sleds down on the trails. I will talk to the DNR to see what we can do (Don’t let Harvey see, it shows titties)

I will have beef about 6pm tonight.

 

Out of beef until Tuesday

1-19-15 9:45am

Weather: Temps in the 20’s for a high the next few days

Trail Conditions: OK to fair to rough

Yesterday for the first time in 8 years of doing a trail report I was accused of “sugar coating” conditions. In my defense all I can say is I can not predict how good or how bad the conditions are going to be at the end of the day. I have to take my best guess and go with it a lot of times. I was told 8 east to Ewen made their plowed fields back home feel smooth. That was from a Minnesota guy and they usually cut us a lot of slack. We have had a lot of problems and I am not making any excuses, all I can say is I will report what I hear from riders.

We have been behind the 8 ball all year. This weekend hit and all hell broke lose. I said from the beginning warm weather and heavy traffic was going to take its toll on the trails and it did, even more so than I thought. Hopefully we will get things back in shape this week and I will have better news tomorrow.

I am totally out of beef until Tuesday afternoon. This is the first time I will be out for that long since I started cooking 7 years ago.

A shout out from the Manteno boys to everyone back home.

I get asked from time to time about going off trail. I know a guy that will take you on some extreme off trail rides. He charges a fee but I don’t think you would be disappointed. This is the guy Click here too For serious riders only, if your interested email me and I’ll put you in touch with him.

hillary

Low on beef, Try a burger

1-18-15 9:45am

Weather: Temps in the 20’s for a high the next few days

Trail Conditions: OK to fair to rough

Stay off the rail road track in Bergland. Or anywhere for that matter. The DNR have received many calls because of people riding the tracks. They are going to be writing tickets if you get caught. In Bergland the trail coming off the Lake is right next to the road, 50 foot south are the rail road tracks. I think the major problem is people running from the Hoop to Bergland down the tracks, there are houses right next to them and people are feed up. Use the Lake, there is no excuse for sleds running the tracks. Same goes for using the highway. All season I have seen sleds going down M-28. I followed a guy into the gas station and tried to warn him and all he could say was “I didn’t know where the trail was”. Common sense people, stay off the damn highway.

Warm temps and high traffic are a bad combo for the trails, and we had both. Trails were pretty rough all day yesterday. Good news is I heard all 3 groomers are up and running. Next week shows a hint of some new snow, but not real cold in temps, traffic should lighten up a lot starting tomorrow so hopefully with grooming back in full swing we will see a huge improvement in trail conditions.

I’m low on beef so first come first served today. Sorry but I sold a hell of a lot more than I planned this past week. Try one of my burgers instead, I’m told they are pretty good too.

I get asked from time to time about going off trail. I know a guy that will take you on some extreme off trail rides. He charges a fee but I don’t think you would be disappointed. This is the guy Click here too For serious riders only, if your interested email me and I’ll put you in touch with him.

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to make love with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, “Do you have a condom?”

Donald frowned and said, “No.”

Daisy told Donald that if he didn’t get a condom, they could not have sex.

“Maybe they sell them at the front desk,” she suggested.

So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel receptionist if they had condoms.

“Yes, we do,” she said and pulledouta packet from under the counter and gave it to Donald.

The receptionist asked, “Would you like me to put it on your bill?”

“Thit No!” Donald quacked, “I’ll thuffocate!”

Trails are better than I thought

1-17-15 9:30am

Weather: Up in the low 30’s with a chance of a little snow

Trail Conditions: Good to fair

Stay off the rail road track in Bergland. Or anywhere for that matter. The DNR have received many calls because of people riding the tracks. They are going to be writing tickets if you get caught. In Bergland the trail coming off the Lake is right next to the road, 50 foot south are the rail road tracks. I think the major problem is people running from the Hoop to Bergland down the tracks, there are houses right next to them and people are feed up. Use the Lake, there is no excuse for sleds running the tracks. Same goes for using the highway. All season I have seen sleds going down M-28. I followed a guy into the gas station and tried to warn him and all he could say was “I didn’t know where the trail was”. Common sense people, stay off the damn highway.

Trails are holding up much better that I thought they would considering all the traffic we have. 13 north and south of Bergland were still real rough though. 8 east was a bit choppy but the rest of Lake Gogebic/Bergland was OK.

I get asked from time to time about going off trail. I know a guy that will take you on some extreme off trail rides. He charges a fee but I don’t think you would be disappointed. This is the guy Click here too For serious riders only, if your interested email me and I’ll put you in touch with him.

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.  One is a old pilot in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.  The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion.He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history.

“Here’s your equipment –chair, whip and a gun.

“Who wants to try out first?”

The girl says, “I’ll go first.”

She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage.  The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.

About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.  The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles.   He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor. “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.”

He turns to the old pilot and asks, “Can you top that?”

The old pilot says, “No problem, just get that lion out of there.”

Lots of sled traffic

1-15-15 11:30pm

Weather: Colder tomorrow and a chance of snow Saturday

Trail Conditions: Good to fair

Stay off the rail road track in Bergland. Or anywhere for that matter. The DNR have received many calls because of people riding the tracks. They are going to be writing tickets if you get caught. In Bergland the trail coming off the Lake is right next to the road, 50 foot south are the rail road tracks. I think the major problem is people running from the Hoop to Bergland down the tracks, there are houses right next to them and people are feed up. Use the Lake, there is no excuse for sleds running the tracks. Same goes for using the highway. All season I have seen sleds going down M-28. I followed a guy into the gas station and tried to warn him and all he could say was “I didn’t know where the trail was”. Common sense people, stay off the damn highway.

The warm weather today started taking its toll on some of the trails. As of tonight 13 north and south are both rough. 8 east was choppy. We’ll see what tomorrow brings, but there is a lot of traffic out there.

 

 

I get asked from time to time about going off trail. I know a guy that will take you on some extreme off trail rides. He charges a fee but I don’t think you would be disappointed. This is the guy Click here too For serious riders only, if your interested email me and I’ll put you in touch with him.

How I lost my teeth

 

I was in the Texas Rose last night, at the bar waiting for a beer,
when a butt-ugly, big old heifer (a girl) came up behind me, and slapped me on the butt.

She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your number.”

I looked at her and said, ”Have you got a pen.”

She said, “ I sure do.”

I said, “ Well,  you better get back into it before the farmer notices you’re missing.”
My dental surgery is on Monday.

 

 

Getting ready for a busy weekend

1-15-15 9:30am

Weather: Warmer today, 25 degrees this morning

Trail Conditions: Good to fair

I am giving us a good to fair rating because of trail 13. I was told 13 south was still pretty rough and I have not heard of any one riding 13 north to Rockand. It seems every one I talk to coming from the north is using 3 to Bruce Crossing. Our other trails seem to be holding up pretty good so far. 102 is good now, 8 east and west of Bergland have been good, 1 south and north have been real good. North of White Pine has been ok but rough through Silver City. Look out for water on 12 by Ontonagon in the whoop de doos by the power lines.

 

I get asked from time to time about going off trail. I know a guy that will take you on some extreme off trail rides. He charges a fee but I don’t think you would be disappointed. This is the guy Click here too For serious riders only, if your interested email me and I’ll put you in touch with him.

After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: “You appear to be in good health.

Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?”
“In fact, I do,” said the old man. “After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and
then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty.”
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: “Everything appears to be fine. Do
you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he
is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty
after the second time. Do you know why?”
“Oh that crazy old fart,” she replied.
“That’s because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August.”
ATT00008

OK time to get your asses up here

1-13-15 6:30pm

Weather: Cold but warmer for the weekend

Trail Conditions: Good to getting a lot better

OK, now I’ve told you about the shitty conditions we have had all year, and for the most part people that have come into the Bar have been pretty understanding and mostly glad to be riding. Well I got good news, things are getting a lot better fast. I even heard 102 and 13 north are in pretty good shape. 8 west is froze up for the most part. It will probably be a busy week end with the holiday and temps warming up a bit, but I think we will be in good shape until everyone beats the hell out of the trails this weekend. Hey every Holiday weekend they usually end up going to shit. But I think you will see a huge improvement in the Lake Gogebic/Bergland area trails from here on out. Hope to see ya soon, enjoy the rest of the year.

Tom

 

I get asked from time to time about going off trail. I know a guy that will take you on some extreme off trail rides. He charges a fee but I don’t think you would be disappointed. This is the guy Click here too For serious riders only, if your interested email me and I’ll put you in touch with him.

Same conditions as yesterday

Weather: Only -10 this morning

Trail Conditions: Good to fair

We have two machines running now so hopefully the Groomers can start getting all the trails as smooth as you are used to seeing up here. The best trails around are still in the Watersmeet area. Up north are good too but use 3 instead of 13 to head that way. Parts for our 3rd machine are supposed to be in later this week.  102 is still real rough as of yesterday.

Hey Miller, Craig from the Ozarks sent me this. Do you really sit around and watch turtles screw down there?

photo (1)

I get asked from time to time about going off trail. I know a guy that will take you on some extreme off trail rides. He charges a fee but I don’t think you would be disappointed. This is the guy Click here too For serious riders only, if your interested email me and I’ll put you in touch with him.

‘Hello, is dis the International Falls Sheriff’s Office?’

‘Yes. What can I do for you?’
‘I’m calling to report ’bout my neighbor Ole Johnson…He’s hidin’
marijuana inside his firewood! Don’t quite know how he gets it inside
dem logs, but he’s hidin’ it dere.’
‘Thank you very much for the call, sir.’
The next day, twelve of International Falls finest Sheriff’s Deputies
descend on Ole’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Ole and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Ole’s house.
‘Hey, Ole! Dis here’s Sven….Did the Sheriff come?’
‘Yah!’
‘Did they chop your firewood?’
‘Yah!’
‘Happy Birtday, buddy!’