February | 2015 | Bergland Bay Bar

Archive for February 20, 2015

admin | February 20, 2015

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1-20-15 10am

Weather: A little warmer the next two days

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good

Nick, Mike and the guys came in about 10:30pm last night with 500 miles on their sleds. The coldest Valentine’s Day 500 to date. They did have a few mishaps along the way, two down sleds and a third that hit a tree. But the ride was a success. We raised $1048 at the bar between pledges and food sales. A Special thanks goes out to Chuck Weygand Jr. VP of Professional Health Care Staffing from Ottawa Illinois, Chuck had me add up all the pledges and matched what was on the sheet. Thank you Chuck from everyone involved, I’m sure Nick will make sure the money goes where it is needed the most. I am going to bust into Becker’s piggy bank while she is asleep and kick in a few more bucks. Thank you everyone for making this another successful Valentine’s Day 500.

I am going to be short staffed for a few hours this morning, I won’t be cooking beefs until about 2:30 today.

Not much I can say about trail conditions, they are hard flat and smooth with not a lot of traffic. Get you asses up here and enjoy the best conditions we have had all year. The only ones I have heard to avoid are the access trail to the Hoop and 11N.

St. Peter is shaking his head while looking in The Book Of Names. Asking the man did you not do anything good during your life? The man replies, oh yes. and explains that this big mean biker was slapping up some girl. That’s when I put my finger in the bikers face and told him to leave that girl alone or I’ll, I’ll. The biker then said or you’ll what. Or I’ll kick your motorcycle over. Being no match for the biker I realized I was in too deep and couldn’t back down. I was thinking just maybe the biker might have some compassion and let all this pass. But no, he dared me. St. Peter said go on what happened next. Well I raised my foot and kicked that motorcycle as hard as I could. The bike went down and pieces and parts went everywhere. St. Peter said that was very courageous of you, and when did all of this happen. Man looked at his watch and said about 10 minutes ago.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | February 18, 2015

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1-18-15 10:30pm

Weather: Cold, and I mean real cold

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good

Thursday February 19th Nick Keller, Mike Peters, Brian Peters and friends are doing the 2015 Valentine’s Day 500. They will be riding 500 miles in one day raising money for Cancer Patients. As I did last year we will again be raising the prices of our sandwiches, but I will donate your total food bill to Snowball Cancer. Last year we raised over $1000. I also have a pledge sheet at the bar if you would just like to donate cash. Or go to Nick’s website and you can donate there. His web site is Click here Nick has over 90,000 miles on his Yamaha and is going to ride it until it hits 99,956 miles. Age 56 is when his mother Mary Jane passed away. You can also donate online at Click here

You can follow them live Click Here tomorrow on their journey. It’s pretty cool stuff, or tomorrow pretty cold stuff.

Trails are great, with this cold they are going to last a while. I have an opening in the little house for Feb 26,27 & 28. Call or email me if you are interested.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | February 18, 2015

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2-18-15 9am

Weather: Cold, and I mean real cold

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good

Happy trails to you, flat hard and cold. Our highs are in the negative numbers the next few days. The weekend is going to warm up into the teens though. Everything should be, and stay hard and smooth through the weekend with the cold temps. Everyone I talked to yesterday said trails were in great shape. I have plenty of beef and more hot chocolate coming. I think we are in for some busy days as temps are going to drive people indoors.

This Thursday February 19th Nick Keller and his friends are doing the 2015 Valentine’s Day 500. They will be riding 500 miles in one day raising money for Cancer Patients. As I did last year we will again be raising the prices of our sandwiches, but I will donate your total food bill to Snowball Cancer. Last year we raised over $1000. I also have a pledge sheet at the bar if you would just like to donate cash. Or go to Nick’s website and you can donate there. His web site is Click here Nick has over 90,000 miles on his Yamaha and is going to ride it until it hits 99,956 miles. Age 56 is when his mother Mary Jane passed away. You can also donate online at Click here

A South Carolina Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley on I95 for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

‘Eric,’ he responds.
The officer asks, ‘Eric what?’

‘Just Eric,’ the guy responds.

The patrol officer is in a very good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The guy tells the officer that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a crazy on his hands but plays along with it. ‘OK. Tell me, Eric, how did you lose your last name?’

The guy replies, ‘It’s a long story, so stay with me.’ I was born Eric Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Eric Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. I always wanted to be a Dentist, it was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Eric Johnson, MD, DDS. Then I got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Eric Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Eric Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Eric Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Eric.’

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | February 17, 2015

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2-17-15 9am

Weather: Cold with a little snow possible this week

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good

Trails are good. Air is cold and beef is hot. We are headed for a few cold days this next week. Good news is the trails should stay hard and flat.

I was messing around trying to do some time lapse stuff with the web cam and I deleted the live webcam pages by mistake. I’ll get it fixed when I get a chance.

You don’t have to be an engineer to appreciate this story

A toothpaste factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem. The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, and third-parties selected. Six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution – on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the project was pleased.

They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighed less than it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a result of the new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory.

With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $8 million was well spent. He then reviewed the line statistics report and discovered the number of empty boxes picked up by the scale in the first week was consistent with projections, however, the next three weeks were zero! The estimated rate should have been at least a dozen boxes a day. He had the engineers check the equipment, they verified the report as accurate.

Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed just ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about.

“Oh, that,” the supervisor replied,” Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over, removing the box and re-starting the line every time the bell rang.”

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | February 16, 2015

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2-16-15 9:30am

Weather: Cold with snow possible this week

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good

Trails were pretty good for the most part. I’m not sure what happened but there were not as many sleds around as I thought there would have been for President’s weekend. We had our busy moments, but it was not a complete nut house like I thought it would have been. Maybe people have gotten burned too many times on this weekend they decided to stay away. Not the less trails stayed in pretty good shape overall. This week has cold temps and snow possible, good time to say get your asses up here I think.

For those of you that ask me how many page views I get, over the last 12 months I had 766k page views averaging 2100 a day. Most of them come Monday through Friday between 8am and 5pm, LOL, quit reading my bullshit and get back to work.

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.

Bill said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?”

Larry replied, “I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?”
___________________________________________

A little boy went up to his father and asked: “Dad, where did my intelligence come from?”

The father replied. “Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.”
___________________________________________

“Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the Divorce Court Judge said, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week,”

“That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband said. “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”
___________________________________________

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”

“Me neither doc,” said the husband. “But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.”
___________________________________________

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”

The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
___________________________________________

Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve a Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
___________________________________________

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?”

The agent replies, “Just a minute.”

“Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.
_________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

“How was he killed?” asked one detective.

“With a golf gun,” the other detective replied.

“A golf gun! What is a golf gun?”

“I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.”
___________________________________________

Moe: “My wife got me to believe in religion.”

Joe: “Really?”

Moe: “Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.”
___________________________________________

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

“I’m O. K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.

“What did he say,” asked the nurse.

“Oops!”
___________________________________________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.

“What do you think?” I asked. “Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?”

“Better get a bikini,” he replied. “You’d never get it all in one.”

He’s still in intensive care.
___________________________________________

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance…

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she’s there.”

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | February 15, 2015

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2-15-15 9:30am

Weather: The Witch is flat chested, then done fell off.-16 out there at 9am.

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good

Reports from riders were good to very good yesterday. Not a lot of traffic on the trails, people must have stayed put until later. Last night we were packed though I guess riders were sick of sitting inside.

Next Thursday February 19th Nick Keller and his friends are doing the 2015 Valentine’s Day 500. They will be riding 500 miles in one day raising money for Cancer Patients. As I did last year we will again be raising the prices of our sandwiches, but I will donate your total food bill to Snowball Cancer. Last year we raised over $1000. I also have a pledge sheet at the bar if you would just like to donate cash. Or go to Nick’s website and you can donate there. His web site is Click here Nick has over 90,000 miles on his Yamaha and is going to ride it until it hits 99,956 miles. Age 56 is when his mother Mary Jane passed away.

Snowmobile Detour the red shows were the trail was and the green is showing the detour. Using the Lake will get you into Bergland the fastest when coming from the west. This will be the route for the rest of the year, they are doing work on the closed section.

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:

“Windows frozen, won’t open.”

Husband texts back:
“Gently pour some lukewarm water over it

and gently tap edges with hammer.”

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
“Computer really messed up now.�

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | February 14, 2015

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2-14-15 10am

Weather: More snow, more cold, in fact (close your eyes Harvey) colder than a Witch’s Titty.

Trail Conditions: Good to Very good

Happy Valentine’s Day. Mother Nature is even a sweetheart today, dumping a few more inches of snow on us overnight. Yesterday riders reported good to very good conditions out there. With the exception of 13 north going to Rockland. It is going to be clod all next week so conditions should keep getting better.

A shout out to my Princess again, we both know Jamie is too cheap to buy you a damn drink, sorry but no he did not leave a chip for you.

A shout out to Shane (aka Achmed) and the rest of team Achmed, poor Les was all alone at the bar, you all should be ashamed of your selves.

A shout out to Mark Strickland (aka Deer Slayer) from St Charles.

A friend reports hearing a sweet elderly lady in the pew next

to him saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that

I just had to share it with you:“Dear Lord: The last four or five years have been very
tough. You have taken my favorite actor – Paul Newman;
my favorite actress – Elizabeth Taylor; my favorite singer – Andy Williams;
my favorite author -Tom Clancy; and now, my favorite comedians- Robin Williams
and Joan Rivers.

I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, and I have a special place in my heart for Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.

Amen.”

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | February 13, 2015

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2-13-15 10am

Weather: A little bit of snow here and there, and cold

Trail Conditions: Good

Happy Friday the 13th, Riders said trails were pretty damn good, except for 13. 13 was good in the morning and rough later in the day. If I were you I would avoid it, it’s been more bad than good. Cold temps should help conditions through the weekend, but expect very heavy traffic.

A shout out to my Princess from Iowa, Jamie was here on his Yamahahahaha and said he would buy you a drink, but you were not here.

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, “What day is tomorrow?”

Without skipping a beat she said, “It’s Presidents Day!” ..

She’s smart, so I asked her “What does Presidents Day mean?” ..

I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or Clinton, etc.

She replied, “Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the

White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bull Shit.”

You know, it really hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | February 12, 2015

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1-12-15 9:30am

Weather: It’s snowing finally, not a warm temp in sight

Trail Conditions: Good

Riders were happy yesterday, trails were good and the snow was coming down. I can’t say for sure what fell from the sky, it looked like we had a few more inches in Merriweather than what fell in Bergland. The snow is supposed to stop for today and start up again Friday and Saturday.

Mike knocks on the door to see his friend Rick. But Rick”s wife (Paula) answers and said Rick is expected home shortly and that he could come inside and wait for Rick. Finishing his cup of coffee Mike tells Paula that her breasts are above and beyond the most beautiful tits that he had ever encountered. And that he would be willing to pay 200.00 just to see one. Paula proudly stood up, pulled her robe to one side and had exposed her tit. Mike is mesmerized by her beauty, and pays her the 200.00. After another cup of coffee Mike explains that he has to leave but how tragic it would be seeing one and not the other. And that he would now pay 300.00 to see both of them. Paula is thinking, this is the easiest 500.00 bucks I’ll ever make. She stood up again, pulling her robe to expose both breasts while holding them up with her hands and gracefully displaying her tits. Mike is devastated, he pays her the 300.00, and thanks her while leaving. Later, Rick arrives home, Paula explains that his friend Mike had stopped by earlier. Rick replies back, did that asshole leave the 500.00 he owes.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | February 11, 2015

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2-11-15 10am

Weather: It’s snowing finally, not a warm temp in sight

Trail Conditions: Good to OK

Snow, cold, beef and beer. What more could you ask for? All weather reports are saying that we are going to have a snowy week. It is going to be a busy week, be careful out there, sleds are going to be everywhere. Groomers are out doing what they can, with temps staying down through the weekend hopefully the trails will stay decent with the heavy traffic we are sure to have.

I’m sure the DNR will be around, don’t blame them, stupid people continue to ride the highways around Bergland. I tried waving a group down that were running up the street in front of the bar but they ignored me and went right down M-28.

Ralph, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots so he bought a pair and wore them home. Walking proudly, he
sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
“Notice anything different about me?”

Ethel, age 75, looked him over.
“Nope.”

Frustrated, Ralph stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

He asked Ethel a little louder this time, “Notice
anything different NOW?”

Ethel looked up and
said in her best deadpan look,
“Ralph, what’s different? It’s hanging down
today, it was hanging down yesterday and it’ll be hanging
down again tomorrow.” Furious, Ralph yelled,
“AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S
HANGING DOWN, ETHEL?”

“Nope. Not a clue, Ralph,” she replied.
“IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!”

Without missing a beat
Ethel replied, “Shoulda bought a
hat, Ralph. Shoulda bought a hat.