Archive for July 20, 2015

| July 20, 2015
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7-20-15

Weather: A full week of great weather.

70-80 degrees all week, can’t ask for much more. The rug rats left yesterday, I said goodbye with a tear in my eye, love them little guys.

Back to business today, company is all gone, Mom is pretty much settled in, so it is back to the grind. I gotta get my ass moving here, July is 2/3 rds of the way in the books and summer is going quick.

He said…. I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
She said…. You wear pants don’t you?

He said….. Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said… That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said….. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ….Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said….. Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said….. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
Category: Trail Updates |
| July 19, 2015
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7-19-15

Weather: 80 today and sunny.

Beautiful day in the UP. Yesterday was great also, no rain and windy enough that the flies didn’t bother us out on Lake Superior. Had a good time with Becker and the Rug Rats playing in the sand up in Silver City. Kind of expensive taking Becker and the kids into the gift shops but what the hell it is Becker’s birthday today and I don’t see the Rug Rats that often. The water was pretty warm for Lake Superior, even the kids took a dip.

Adam and Eve 

A little girl asked her father,  
“How did the human race start?”

The father answered,
“God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made.” 

Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered,
“Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.” The confused girl returned to her father and said,
“Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?”

The father answered,
“Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your mother told you about hers.”
Category: Trail Updates |
| July 18, 2015
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7-18-15

Weather: 80 today and thunderstorms.

Hot, humid and rain again, who cares though, still beautiful weather in the UP. Becker and the kids want to go to Lake of the clouds today I think, so I guess it is off to do some tourist type stuff. After I work my 2 hours today that is.

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.” 

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.” 

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, “I vould like some plasma.” 

The waitress looks up and says, “Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?”

Category: Trail Updates |
| July 17, 2015
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Happy Friday

Weather: 80 today.

Hey we are way to far north for this 80 crap. We even had some rain last night. WTF does Mother Nature have the UP confused with Illinois?

I took the rug rats out on the boat yesterday, pretty wind so the water was rough on my little pontoon. The kids jumped in the water but I think they are use to warmer temps south of here. I hoping with it being in the 80’s and winds calmer we can bring the boat up to the north end of the lake and swim in front of mom’s house. Shallow water should be a lot warmer.

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland:

 

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT.
2. FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
3. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
4. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
8. DON’T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE…WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON’T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
 
WELL DONE. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.
 
Category: Trail Updates |
| July 16, 2015
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7-16-15

Weather: Very Nice, Again.

Having fun with the rug rats, it was fire on the Lake last night, the kids helped me burn up a lot of brush last night. Today it will be out on the pontoon to do some cruising and swimming.

IMG_0842

 

MY NAME IS ALICE AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST

APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 50-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK
HIGH SCHOOL . ‘YES. YES, I DID. I’M A MUSTANG,’ HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?’ I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, ‘IN 1962. WHY DO YOU ASK?’

YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!’, I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED-FACED, FAT-A**, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT
SON-OF-A-B**** ASKED,

‘WHAT DID YOU TEACH???

Category: Trail Updates |
| July 15, 2015
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7-15-15

Weather: Very Nice.

Fantastic weather coming up the next few days, 70’s and partly cloudy the rest of the week. Just in time too, my rug rats are here.

Looks like 4 wheeling and boating the rest of the week, I love grampa duty.

  MARIJUANA AND MARRIAGE
Smile for the day!
For those who haven’t heard, Washington State recently passed two laws.
They legalized gay marriage and legalized marijuana.
The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect Biblical sense.
Leviticus 20:13 says: “If a man lies with another man they should be stoned”.
Apparently we just hadn’t interpreted it correctly before!
Category: Trail Updates |
| July 14, 2015
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7-14-15

Weather: Gloomy and cooler.

Hey Fish Tales, thanks for the chicken and dessert. They were both delicious. Nothing like a good breast when you are home alone.

Weather looks goofy for a while, few days of partly cloudy, few days of rain then back to sunshine and warm.

Not much else going on, gonna stop and mom’s and do a few sonny doos and then clean the rental for some folks that are coming in Thursday.

Three women are playing the 4th hole at Crow Canyon Golf course when a naked man wearing a bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.

 
The 3 women look and are in shock at the enormous size of his manhood.
 
The first woman says, “Well he definitely is not my husband.”
 
The second woman looks at his manhood and says, “He for sure is not my husband.”
 
The third woman takes a good look and says ” He’s not even a member of this club.”
Category: Trail Updates |
| July 13, 2015
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7-13-15

Weather: rain.

We skated past the rain yesterday but it looks like it caught up with us for a few days. Bummer my daughter and grand kids are coming today. Well hopefully it will still be a good week. Not a lot else going on, might be time for a little sight seeing, who knows what this week will bring.

“You’ll be fine,” the Doctor said after finishing the young woman’s surgery.

 

“But,” she asked, “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor ?” 

 

 

The Surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye. The girl was alarmed.


“What’s the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I?”

 

He replied, “Yes, you’ll be fine. 

It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.”

Category: Trail Updates |
| July 12, 2015
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7-12-15

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Weather: Sunny but a chance of rain.

50% chance that it will not rain today. We are digging up a stump in mom’s back yard today. Easy getting rid of trees, harder getting rid of the roots. I just woke up and have not made coffe yet, Mom just called and said the digger is in her back yard so I gotta run……….

A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a

large dildo flew out of the back of the truck and
stuck to the windshield of the family’s car.

To hide her embarrassment, the mother turned to her
young children and said, “My goodness, what a huge
insect!”, to which her 7 year old daughter replied,

“I’m surprised it was able to fly with a dick that big.”
Category: Trail Updates |
| July 11, 2015
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7-11-15

Weather: Sunny today.

Happy Saturday everyone. Looks like a beautiful day outside, I think I’ll go have coffee with Mom on her deck after I finish writing this. Actually I just left there at 10:30 last night, all we did was sit on the deck, have a few drinks and stare at the lake. Might as well start the day the way I ended it, only this time with coffee, not bush lights.

Here’s your answer.

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby…

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, ‘He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place…..smack his ass again!’

Category: Trail Updates |
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