January | 2016 | Bergland Bay Bar

Archive for January 22, 2016

admin | January 22, 2016

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1-22-16

Weather: Warmer for the weekend.

Trail conditions: Good to Very Good. (for now)

Check out our Snowball Cancer Page.

Order Snowball Cancer shirts here only 2 days left to order shirts

I will not be selling the snowball cancer shirts, they are only available online.

Life is good in the north woods, most all riders reported good to very good conditions. Get out early to ride today though. Temps around the 30’s for the weekend. Warm temps and tons of sleds does not make for a good combination. We are expecting a busy weekend. 3 north will probably be a better choice than 13.

New Iowa Honeys Amanda and Vicki want to take Carly, Alexa and Emma’s place. They are also from Solon Iowa .

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts” She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s gonna start.” This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer before it starts.” “That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?” The husband sighed. “Oh shit, it started!”

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | January 21, 2016

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1-21-16

Weather: A little warmer the next few days.

Trail conditions: Good to Very Good.

Check out our Snowball Cancer Page.

Order Snowball Cancer shirts here only 3 days left to order shirts

I will not be selling the snowball cancer shirts, they are only available online.

Trail conditions have been pretty damn good according to riders. Groomers are out doing their thing and traffic has been lighter so riders have been very happy. Temps are forecasted to be a bit warmer for the next week but still below freezing for highs and colder at night. No real snow in the forecast for the weekend but you never know when a bit of LES may blow our way.

Ironwood is reporting good trail condition on their website. Check them out here. 8 coming from Ironwood has been a rough ride most of the week, hopefully they have it flattened out.

Defence Attorney:

Will you please state your age?

Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defence Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,

When a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney:
Did you know him?

Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defence Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Old Lady:
No, I didn’t stop him.

Defence Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my David died some 30 years ago.

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
He began to rub all over my body.

Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defence Attorney:
Why not?

Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so spicy’ that I just laid down and told him ‘Take me, young man. Take me now!’

Defence Attorney:
Did he take you?

Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ‘April Fool!’

And that’s when I shot the little bastard.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | January 20, 2016

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1-20-16

Weather: A little warmer the next few days.

Trail conditions: Good to Very Good.

Check out our Snowball Cancer Page.

Order Snowball Cancer shirts here only 5 days left to order shirts

I will not be selling the snowball cancer shirts, they are only available online.

Conditions should keep improving as the week goes by, groomers are out and temps have been cold. Trail 8 from Ironwood to Wakefield was horrible but hopefully they have been through there with a groomer by now. Conditions should be the best we have had so far this year.

Bert, at 85 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golf shoes – just like Freddie Couples had. So seeing some on sale after his round, he bought them and he was so delighted with his purchase decided to
wear them home to show the wife.

Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret at age 83, looked him over and replied,

“Nope.”

Frustrated as all get out, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the new golf shoes.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time,

“Notice anything different NOW???”

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan response,

“Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”

Furious, Bert yells out,

“AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN MARGARET?”

“Nope. Not a clue”, she replied.

“IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW GOLF SHOES!!!

Without missing a beat old Margaret replies,

“Should have bought a new golf hat….

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | January 19, 2016

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1-19-16

Weather: Cold and snow possible again today.

Trail conditions: Good.

Check out our Snowball Cancer Page.

Order Snowball Cancer shirts here only 5 days left to order shirts

I will not be selling the snowball cancer shirts, they are only available online.

Traffic has slowed way down since the weekend, groomers should be getting things back in shape, sorry to those that journeyed from Ironwood to Bergland on trail 8 yesterday, they said it was the worst ride ever. Hopefully it will be better today.

I am getting a lot of calls about trail 11n being closed. YES it is closed this year.

I took the night off, Becker and Misty let me go home and sleep, 9-9 I slept for 12 hours, thanks ladies.

I didn’t hear much about conditions, but I can take my best guess by traffic, snowfall and temps that things will improve over the next few days. so Get your asses up here, I got more beef on the way today………

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | January 18, 2016

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1-18-16

Weather: Cold and snow possible again today.

Trail conditions: Good.

Check out our Snowball Cancer Page.

Order Snowball Cancer shirts here 8 days left

Wet areas, Last I heard:

8 west between Wakefield and Bergland

12 between White Pine and Ontonagon

Trail conditions were much better overall yesterday. Friday and Saturday traffic and warm temps on Friday made for rough riding by Friday night, but it turned cold and the groomers have been out in full force, new snow over the weekend probably totaled 8 inches or so on the low end and more to the north. I think I heard houghton got about two foot. Snow is in the forecast for today and it is colder than a witches tit, so it will get nothing but better.

These are my girls, Carly, Alexa and Emma from Solon Iowa, they are now my official Spokes Women in Iowa. They can answer any and all questions from trail conditions to how Bergland Bay Bar Beefs are made.

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching my wife, Judy who was

 

looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off I asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

‘I’d like to be eight again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, I arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park.

What a day!

I put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later

we staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. I then took her to a McDonald’s and ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home and collapsed into bed exhausted.

I leaned over my wife & with a big smile lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

‘I meant my dress size, you @*#*! idiot!!!!’

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | January 17, 2016

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1-17-16

Weather: Cold and snow possible.

Trail conditions: Poor to Good.

Check out our Snowball Cancer Page.

Order Snowball Cancer shirts here 8 days left

Wet areas, Last I heard:

8 west between Wakefield and Bergland

12 between White Pine and Ontonagon

Mixed reports on conditions again yesterday, most said trails were rough, some said they were good. I would think the few that reported good conditions are comparing conditions we have right now to theirs in their home state that they are used to riding on. Last night’s snow missed us hopefully Mother Nature comes through with a few more inches today and tomorrow. Trail 8 west of Merriweather continues to be a problem area. Thanks Nick Ludwig for taking the time to share the pic. Groomers should be out and temps took a nose dive into the single digits, right now it is -6. With Holiday traffic winding down after today conditions should improve. Just give us our damn snow………

I heard the DNR was in town yesterday, one ride reported getting a ticket for Loud pipes. I didn’t hear of anyone else being stopped by the DNR.

Hey Mark, you know the drill…..

A shout out to the fuckin dick head that took the iPhone 5 charger off my shelf. I put phone chargers out so people can use them when they come into the bar. But you decided to help your self and take mine. You are a Dickhead. I hope your sled blows up.

Update: The fuckin dickhead has a friend, now a USB block is missing, good thing I nailed down the iPhone 5 cord. I would wish they met head on but that would be mean. So I guess I will just wish for both their sleds to blow up, then buy new ones that get stolen before they put insurance on them.

A special thanks to Bob for bringing in an extra iPhone 5 charger that everyone can use.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | January 16, 2016

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1-16-16

Weather: Cold and snow.

Trail conditions: Good.

Check out our Snowball Cancer Page.

Order Snowball Cancer shirts here 8 days left

Wet areas, Last I heard:

1 along the west shore of Gogebic.

8 west between Wakefield and Bergland

12 between White Pine and Ontonagon

Mixed reports on conditions, heavy traffic and warm temps yesterday are making conditions not as good. Sorry folks but it is hard for the groomers to keep up, I’m sure they are out in full force doing what they can. MLK weekend combined with our first good conditions is making for a ton of people riding up here.

Everyone that ordered a beef yesterday congratulations, you made a record. That is the most beefs I sold in a day. I’m not sure how many it was, but I think I am turning into a vegetarian.

Hi Mom, it’s me.

“Hi Sally, are you okay? I thought you were with your father at the Home Depot store, looking for a drill.”

“Yeah, I was, but I got arrested and they’ve let me make one phone call, and that’s why I’m calling you.”

“Oh my god, what happened?”

“Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the face.”

“What on earth . . . Why did you do that?”

“Well, it really wasn’t my fault. Dad told me to find a Black and Decker.”

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | January 15, 2016

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1-15-16

Weather: Cold and snow.

Trail conditions: Good to Very Good.

Check out our Snowball Cancer Page.

Order Snowball Cancer shirts here 9 days left

Wet areas, Last I heard:

1 along the west shore of Gogebic.

8 west between Wakefield and Bergland

Riders have been reporting very good conditions out there, except for the few who have traveled 8 from Wakefield. This was of last night, it could be getting groomed as I write this. Conditions have improved greatly since last weekend, have fun and be safe. There is going to be a lot of traffic out there.

Six retired Jewish Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.

At the end of the game, Finklestein looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna tell his wife?”

They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the low card and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet? I’m the most discreet person you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me.”

Goldberg goes over to the Meyer’s condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants? Goldberg declares: “Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home.”

“Tell him to drop dead!” yells the wife.

“I’ll go tell him.” says Goldberg.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | January 14, 2016

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1-14-16

Weather: Cold and snow.

Trail conditions: Good to Very Good.

Check out our Snowball Cancer Page.

Order Snowball Cancer shirts here 10 days left

Wet areas, Last I heard:

1 along the west shore of Gogebic.

12 between White Pine and Ontonagon has a bad spot.

8 west between Wakefield and Bergland

I may be jumping the gun a little saying very good but, that’s what some people are saying. We have not been getting a lot of snow but it seems to be coming a few inches everyday. That along with the cold temps freezing up wet areas is making for good riding conditions. I guess it is time to say “GET YOUR ASSES UP HERE”

People you need to stay on your own side of the trail. Got people complaining about riders hogging the trail. Be careful out there it is going to be a busy weekend, with little snow elsewhere we are going to get idiots that thing they own the trails.

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural northern Minnesota . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence to claim his bird, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in New York and, if you don’t let me retrieve that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes here in northern Minnesota . We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.'”

The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”

The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and, being the person he was, decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.”

(I love this part)

The old farmer smiled and said, “Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.”

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | January 13, 2016

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1-13-16

Weather: Cold and snow.

Trail conditions: Poor to Good.

Check out our Snowball Cancer Page.

Order Snowball Cancer shirts here 11 days left

Wet areas, Last I heard:

access trail from 1 & 8 coming into Bergland.

bottom of 13 coming into Bergland from Rockland

1 along the west shore of Gogebic.

12 between White Pine and Ontonagon has a bad spot.

8 west between Wakefield and Bergland

Like I said this was the last I heard, we had another day of cold air since I was in the bar. I had to go to Duluth. It was a nasty drive, several whiteouts between Bergland and Ashland, but the rest of the way to Duluth and the whole trip back was clear skies. Bummer, we only picked up a few inches. We have snow in the forecast the next few days and temps are still cooperating, it will only get better each day.

After nearly 40 years of marriage, Harvey was
lying in bed one evening, when his wife felt Harvey begin to massage her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began
moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place
his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then
suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you
stop?”

To which he responded, “I found the remote.”

Category: Trail Updates |

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