Archive for May 31, 2016

| May 31, 2016
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5-31-16

Weather: Windy (no bugs).

Beautiful day yesterday, too bad I had to work. But it was nice to see everyone for Memorial Day. Today could be boat lift day, got one coming to put the pontoon on. Then it will be decision time…..do we go out on the pontoon or do we go out on the side by side. LOL gotta love the UP, what fun things can I do today? Oh yea I gotta go finish cutting grass. Crap

Shout out to Fish Tales…..Uncle Twinkle Toes is pissed you missed the “Monday Meeting”

Little Johnny walks into his dad’s bedroom and sees him sliding on a condom. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asks curiously, “What are you doing, Dad?”

His father quickly replies, “I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed.”

Little Johnny replies, “What are you gonna do — screw him?”

Category: Trail Updates |
| May 30, 2016
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5-30-16

Weather: Sunny.

Happy Memorial Day  

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Thank you to all that served and paid the ultimate price to make sure we back home could have our freedom. Too bad we have made such Idiotic choices with the freedom Men and Women had to die for.

Sorry no Joke today, just a big THANK YOU to those that gave their all for our country.

 

 

Category: Trail Updates |
| May 27, 2016
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5-27-16

Weather: Sunny now, rain later.

Big day today, new dock coming for Mom’s house. Getting to be that time of year, I’m sure the water needs to warm up a bit but before too long you will be able to see me frolicking around on Mom’s web cam in my speedo. I bet you can’t wait, can you?

The preschool teacher says, “We’re going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word ‘definitely’ in a sentence?”

Mary raises her hand and exclaims, “Me me me!”

The teacher says, “Go ahead, what’s the sentence?

Mary replies, “The sky is definitely blue.”

“That’s good, Mary,” says the teacher, “but the sky can also be gray or white.”

Sam raises his hand and states, “Grass is definitely green.”

The teacher says, “That’s good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too.”

Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, “Do farts have lumps in them?”

The teacher says, “No Johnny, why do you ask that?”

Little Johnny replies, “Well, I definitely shit my pants.”

Category: Trail Updates |
| May 26, 2016
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5-26-16

Weather: Cloudy and Warm.

A gorgeous day yesterday was. I got the lawn mower fix then cut Mom’s grass and got the shit bit out of my by mosquitos. But hey, the grass is done, well one yard anyway.

I had a video sent to me by one of the locals, a parade of 6 or 8 atvs riding right down M-28. If you guys come up here find out where to ride, we sure don’t want you to get pissed after you get ticketed and not come back.

Didn’t find a joke for today, but this had me laughing my ass off for some reason……

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Category: Trail Updates |
| May 25, 2016
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5-25-16

Weather: Cloudy and Warm.

Possibly a little break in the rain today. Yesterday’s forecast showed rain for 10 days straight, today, not so much. I think I want to be a Weatherman when I grow up. Opps, Weather person I mean.

Holy crap did the rain ever come down yesterday, it looked like a river in front of the bar when I pulled up yesterday. A few hours later it was sunshine and blue skies. Looks like they lifted the burning ban so maybe a fire today at Mom’s to clean up the brush we cut down over the weekend. (awe fire means Bush Lights).

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Category: Trail Updates |
| May 24, 2016
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5-24-16

Weather: Rain and Warm.

It was windy yesterday, Mom called and said the screen house was blowing away. I got to Mom in a few minutes to find her holding down the roof. Well it didn’t stay down for long, while I was trying to take it apart another gust came up and up onto the garage roof the screen house roof went. If I didn’t yell at Mom to let go she would have been up on the garage roof too I think. At least you get a better view of the lake right now on Mom’s web cam.

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Category: Trail Updates |
| May 23, 2016
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5-23-16

Weather: 80’s today.

Looks like we have a little rain in the forecast this week. Actually we need rain, Mi-Trale had a ride this past weekend, I couldn’t imagine what it was like being in a line of ATV’s going down a dusty trail. Them people had to be shitting dirt the next morning.

Brother Mark was at Mom’s again over the weekend and we got a place all cleaned out for the new dock, hopefully it is ready this week.

Forgot my glasses
Yesterday my daughter again asked why
I didn’t do something useful with my time.

Talking about my “doing something useful” seemed

to be her favorite topic of conversation.

She was “only thinking of me” and

suggested I go down to the senior center
and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson
about staying out of my business.

I told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said, “Are you nuts? You’re almost 72 years old and

you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me,

“Good grief, where are your glasses!
This is a membership
to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”

“I’m in trouble again, and I don’t know what to do…

I signed up for five jumps a week.” I told her.

She fainted.

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier

but sometimes it can be fun.
Category: Trail Updates |
| May 20, 2016
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5-20-16

Weather: Still Sunny.

Just gorgeous outside. If only them little black flies were not around, damn seems like I always have to complain about something. Besides what can a few little black flies hurt? They are God’s creatures too. It is really Mosses fault they are here anyway, he just had to put 2 of them little bastards on that fricken Ark. They will be gone soon, then it will be time for the next wave of insects to invade the UP. Come on mosquitos, I’m ready for you…….

 How to Tell the Sex of a Bird

 

This is AMAZING!!!

I never fully understood how to tell the difference between male and female birds. 

I always thought it had to be determined biologically, 

or by medical examination by experts.

Until now!

 

Below are two birds. Study them closely. 

 

See if you can determine which of the two is the female. 

 

It CAN be done! 

Even by someone with limited bird watching skills!

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Category: Trail Updates |
| May 19, 2016
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5-19-16

Weather: Sunny.

Beautiful UP weather going on. Nothing but sunshine. I have been fighting lawnmower problems. Just ordered new spindles for the mower deck. I may have a hat field before I get the lot over at Sullys mowed.

I don’t get many fishermen in during the day, Becker says she gets a few in at night though, but so far it seems the guys are getting some fish.

The Italian Virginity Test ;

 

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says … “Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things forwhat we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit ~~~ a small can of Redpaint, a small can of Blue paint, and a shovel.”

Mario asks … “And what do I do with these things, doc?”

The doctor replies … “Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls Red and the other ball Blue.


If she says … ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I’ve ever seen!’…you hit her with the shovel!

Category: Trail Updates |
| May 18, 2016
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5-18-16

Weather: Sunny.

Lawnmower problems yesterday. I was cutting the grass over at the Little house when I hit something hard in the tall grass. Seems one of my winter renters left me a present. Part of a trailer hitch was underneath the grass and took out a couple of the blades on my mower. I got the blades replaced and deck cleaned off, now all I have to do is figure out how to get the deck back on.

 

Brooklyn Tony was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, ‘Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!’

 

The teacher replied, ‘Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is urinate.  Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.’ 

 

Brooklyn Tony, thinks for a bit, and then says, ‘You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a TEN!’

Category: Trail Updates |
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