July | 2016 | Bergland Bay Bar

Archive for July 18, 2016

admin | July 18, 2016

Comments Off

7-18-16

Weather: Nice.

90 degrees by the end of the week. Time for a boat ride I think. Looks like nice weather for the week ahead.

I got reported to facebook for the pic I posted on Saturday, it was of a guy with his dinger hanging out and a shark with his mouth open. It was a grainy pic, and I though it was funny as hell. But someone reported me for posting nudity. Oh well, glad to see I can still piss people off.

She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak,
But she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.
Her husband suggested, “Why don’t you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream?

“No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous.”
“Well, I see squirrels eating them and they’re OK.”
So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sauted them for her dinner.
Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful.

Spot ate every bite. All morning long, she watched the dog.
The wild mushrooms hadn’t affected him after a few hours, so she decided to use them.
The meal was a great success.
After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear,
“Mum, Spot is dead.”
Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible,

Called the doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor said, “That’s bad, but I think we can take care of it.
I’ll call for an ambulance and I’ll be there as quickly as I can.
We’ll give everyone enemas and we’ll pump out their stomachs and everything will be fine.

Just keep them calm.” Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down theroad.
The Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.
One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.
Well after midnight, after the last one was done the doctor came out and said,

“Everything will be okay now,” and with that he left.
The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the

Living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum…..
“I can’t believe that guy!” “What guy?”

“You know, that bastard who ran over Spot;
He never even slowed down.”

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | July 15, 2016

Comments Off

7-15-16

Weather: Nice.

Another beautiful day in the UP. Gotta take a run to Iron Mountain, ever since I got health insurance Becker has decided to get fixed up. If I was smart I would do the same before Obama Care goes away.

A beautiful young woman went to see the gynecologist.

The doctor took one look at her and all his professionalism flew out the window.

He immediately told her to get undressed.

After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, “Do you know what I am doing?”

‘Yes,’ she replied, ‘You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.’

‘That’s right,’ said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts.

‘Do you know what I am doing now?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer.’

‘Correct,’ replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sex with her.

He asked, do you know what I am doing now?’

‘Yes,’ she said,

“You’re getting syphilis, which is why I came here in the first place…”

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | July 14, 2016

Comments Off

7-14-16

Weather: Cool down for a few days.

High in the sixties the next few days. Nice being back to normal. Not sure what today is going to bring, something always seems to pop up though.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

And God said that it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God again said that it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.

If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | July 13, 2016

Comments Off

7-13-16

Weather: Hot and muggy again.

Wow kick ass storm came through about 1am yesterday morning. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I took Becker to the Doctor yesterday. the two pics below are in Wakefield right on Sunday Lake. The building with the roof tore off is the old skating rink.

Search for John Olkonen on face book and see the pics he posted. Lots of damage but so far no reports of any injuries.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | July 12, 2016

Comments Off

7-12-16

Weather: Hot and muggy again.

Boomers last night, rain and wind about 1am. Nothing much going on, I need to go with Becker to an appointment this morning so it is off I go………..

23 ADULT TRUTHS

1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection… again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

(Ladies … Quit Laughing!)

It just gets better as you get older, doesn’t it?

I was in a Starbucks recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my I-pod (with ear piece) – and how was your day?

(This is what happens when old people start using technology!)

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | July 11, 2016

Comments Off

7-11-16

Weather: Hot and muggy. Yuck

We were pretty busy at the bar this past weekend. They had a 70’s class reunion in town and quite a few people stopped by. Thanks everyone for coming in.

A man was conducting an All Service member briefing one day, and he posed the
question: “What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?”

A Sailor said, “I’d step on it.”

A Soldier said, “I’d hit it with my boot.”

A Marine said, “I’d catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.”

An Airman said, “I’d call room service and find out why there’s a tent in my room.”

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | July 8, 2016

Comments Off

7-8-16

Weather: Cooler today then back into the 80’s.

Back to the grind today, it was a hard week for everyone that knew Tammy Woracheck, but I for one need to get back with it. Gary (Tammy’s husband) asked me to take the food that was left over from the luncheon down to the bar today to put out for those that knew her. So stop on by this afternoon and have a little bite to eat.

It was pretty sad waking up this morning and finding out what happened in Dallas. This country is in real trouble. Why people can not look for facts in an incident and then come to a conclusion is beyond me. It is a damn shame when anyone is shot by a cop. But seriously every time a black person is shot lately people jump on the band wagon and call it a race issue. Is the Dallas incident a race issue too? Maybe we need to see what Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton say before we decide. Seems like those two would be out of a job if we didn’t turn every incident into race issues.

All Lives Matter to me. But each incident needs to be looked at separately. And the facts need to be understood. And by the way just because you see or read it on the internet does not make it true.

> Jiggs McDonald, NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster speaking in Ontario, says:

>
> “I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto. I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.”
>
> “That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, “The Turban Cowboy,” and the other, a topless bar, would be called “You Mecca Me Hot.”
>
> “Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called “Iraq of Ribs.”
>
> “Across the street there could be a lingerie store called “Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret,” with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods, and on the other side a liquor store called “Morehammered.”
>
> “All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us.”
>
> Yes we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on.
>
> And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point… It is either past your bedtime, or its midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | July 7, 2016

Comments Off

7-7-16

Short and sweet today. Tammy’s services are today. Goodbye my friend, if you only knew how much you were missed already.

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | July 6, 2016

Comments Off

7-6-16

Weather: ? Changing by the hour.

We had a pretty good light show in the sky last night. Thunder and lightning filed the sky for quite a while.

I haven’t heard anything about Rod Ellsworth lately, last I heard they were going to wait until after the 4th to do surgery.

Not too much else going on up here right now, the Lake should be warming up so maybe I can talk Becker into going for a swim.

Three blondes were all applying
for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, So y’all want to be cop, huh?

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened up a
file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, “to be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice such thing as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth.”

So he stuck the photo in the face of
the first blonde and withdrew it after two seconds. “Now, ” he said did you notice any distinguishing features about this man.” The blonde
immediately said, “Yes, I did. He only has one eye.”

The detective shook his head and
said , “Of course he has only one eye in this picture. It’s a profile of his face! Your dismissed.!”

The detective turned to the second
blonde, stuck a photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said
“What about you? Notice anything unusual about this man?”

“Yes! he only has one ear!”

The detective put his head in his
hands and exclaimed, Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady this is a profile of the man’s face Of course you can only see one ear. Your excused too!”

The detective turned his attention
to the third blonde and said, “this is probably a waste of time, but… He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it saying, “”All right did you notice any distinguishing features?

The blonde said, I sure did.
This man wears contact lenses.”

The detective frowned, took another
look at the picture, began looking at other pictures in the folder and said,
“Your absolutely right. His bio says he wears contacts. Who in the world could you tell by looking at that picture?”

The blonde rolled her eyes and said,
“Well, Helloooooo! With only one eye and one ear he certainly can’t wear glasses.”

Category: Trail Updates |

admin | July 5, 2016

Comments Off

7-5-16

Weather: rain for a few days.

Been gloom and doom around here since Tammy passed. Just took all the wind out of our sails. But it is time to get with it.

Seen this on my Niece Racheal’s Post, she just lost her Grandma. “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”

Kind of a mild weekend at the bar for a 4th of July weekend, I think the nice weather had people enjoying our great outdoors.

They had a Celebration of Life for Kuivi on Sunday. It was very nice and a lot of people showed up.

A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “what are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband’s parents.”

The judge took a deep breath and asked, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don’t have a car.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”

The judge asked, “Is your husband a nagger?”

“Oh, hell no, he’s as white as you and me!”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”