Weather: Cold.
Conditions: Go North.
Planning Becker’s new kitchen. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy. Let the fights begin.
Archive for March 14, 2017
3-13-17
Weather: Cold.
Conditions: Go North, South, East or West. Just not here.
This is probably the longest cold snap we have had since sometime in January. Figures, we don’t need it now. I been hearing about people riding in the Keweenaw and great conditions up there. Also east of us I have heard of people riding still.
A doctor in Dublin, feeling overworked wanted to get off
work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant.
“Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to close the
clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me
patients”.
“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the
following day and asks: “So, Murphy, how was your day?”
Murphy told him that he took care of three
patients. “The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him
Paracetamol.”
“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the
doctor..
“The second one had indigestion and I gave
him Gaviscon,” says Murphy.
“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what
about the tird one?” asks the doctor.
“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the
door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does.
Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her
clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies
down on the table and shouts:
“HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five
years I have not seen any man!”
“Tunderin’ lard Jesus, Murphy, what did you
do?” asks the doctor.
“I put drops in her eyes.”
Category: Trail Updates |
10-12-17
Weather: Cold and Snow.
Conditions: Go North, South, East or West. Just not here.
Seen sleds riding the trails on our way back from Marquette last night. Actually the trails didn’t look bad out that way. They must not have given up on grooming.
Becker and I were on a hunt for new Kitchen cabinets. We went to the UP Builders Show in Marquette, sorry but it was of no real use to us. Mostly builders looking for business, not people displaying products. Although we did meet some nice People, Keweenaw Speciality Woods was one of them. Stopped by the Lowes booth and everyone was talking with each other and did not look like talking to potential customers, I thought no big deal I will just go to the store. While at the store the lady that does do the cabinet designs said she would take my number and call me to set up an appointment. Said she was the only one there and all the other sales people were at the show. I told her thank you I drove 120 miles for nothing than. My 1st and last time in a Lowes Store.
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Four
old
men
went
into
the
pro
shop
after
playing
18
holes
of
golf.
The
pro
asked,
“Did
you
guys
have
a
good
game
today?”
The first old guy said, “Yes, I had three riders today.” The second old guy said, “I had the most riders ever. I had five.” The third old guy said, “I had seven riders, the same as last time.” The last old man said, “I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today.”
After
they
went
into
the
locker
room,
another
golfer
who
had
heard
the
old
guys
talking
about
their
game
went
to
the
pro
and
said,
“I’ve
been
playing
golf
for
a
long
time
and
thought
I
knew
all
the
terminology
of
the
game,
but
what’s
a
rider?”
The
pro
said,
“A
rider
is
when
you
hit
the
ball
far
enough
to
actually
get
in
the
golf
cart
and
ride
to
it.”
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Category: Trail Updates |
3-10-17
Weather: Cold.
Conditions: Go North, South, East or West. Just not here.
Going to Marquette today to the UP Builders Show. Becker wants that new Kitchen I have been promising her for about 5 years now. I told her we could go look, window shop, yea right.
Prescription Drugs & Side Effects
A woman asks her husband at breakfast time
“Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some
grapefruit juice and coffee?”
He declines. Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, she asks him if he’d like something. “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?”
He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “really trashes my desire for food.”
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”
He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.”
“Well,” she says, “Would you mind letting me up? I’m starving.”
He declines. Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, she asks him if he’d like something. “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?”
He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “really trashes my desire for food.”
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”
He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.”
“Well,” she says, “Would you mind letting me up? I’m starving.”
Category: Trail Updates |
3-9-17
Weather: Cold.
Conditions: Go North or South.
Got a cold snap, where the hell were you when we needed you. Don’t put them sleds away just yet, I heard Kentucky and North Carolina is getting 4-8 inches of snow. Way to go there Mother Nature.
A State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway. At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in lovers’ lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He also notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to
the car and gently raps on the driver’s window. The young man lowers his window.
‘Uh, yes, Officer’?
The trooper asks: ‘What are you doing?’
The young man says: ‘Well, Officer, I’m reading a magazine.’ Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: ‘And, her, what is she doing?’ The young man shrugs: ‘Sir, I believe she’s filing her fingernails.’
Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple,
alone, in a car, at night in a lover’s lane and nothing inappropriate is happening!
The trooper asks: ‘What’s your age, young man?’ The young
man says: ‘I’m 22, sir.’
The trooper asks: ‘And her, what’s her age?’ The young man looks at his watch and replies:
‘She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.
Category: Trail Updates |
3-8-17
Weather: Warm.
Conditions: Go North.
Man did we ever loose the snow, high winds and warm just made it disappear in town. Out in the woods it mat be a little different but open areas and high spots on hills will be thin at best. Further North they had more snow, how well they survived you will have to call and ask them. We are toast or we have been since the last week of February. Thank you for this years business from Bergland Bay Bar and Lake Gogebic Sports. And remember next year is going to be different, we are firing Mother Nature (because she is a bitch) and putting Old Man Winter in charge.
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, “What was Jesus’ mother’s name?” One child answered, “Mary.”
The teacher then asked, “Who knows what Jesus’ father’s name was?” A little kid said, “Verge.”
Confused, the teacher asked, “Where did you get that?”
The kid said, “Well, you know, they are always talking about Verge n’ Mary.”
***********
KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese:
“Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name.
Amen.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it I’m having a real good time like I am.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord’s Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: “Lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, “but deliver us from E-mail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed, “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.
“You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.”
“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door?
They’re hushers.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
“Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.
“He died and went to Heaven,” the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said, “Did God throw him back down?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”
“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.
“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
Category: Trail Updates |
3-7-17
Weather: Warm.
Conditions: Bergland Poor, not Grooming, go North.
20+ mph winds with gusts at 40+ . Snow is going to disappear quick. Not much to comment on conditions, they have sucked for 2 weeks or so. (some could argue 3 years) Don’t give up on us, next year will be different. Mother Nature is being fired and Old Man Winter is taking over.
Category: Trail Updates |
3-6-17
Weather: Warm.
Conditions: Bergland Poor, not Grooming, go North.
Bergland-Lake Gogebic Area is done grooming for the year, I’m sure you can ride up north for a while yet. After Tuesday temps head back down and possible snow according to www.Johndee.com
I was flying my drone this weekend at Mom’s house and I had the pleasure of experiencing a fly away. My heart sank as I seen $1500 disappear from the monitor. After messing with the controller and driving around I found it 1/4 of a mile away lying upside down in a snowbank. Minor damage only, I got lucky.
A man walks out to the street and
catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi,
and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just
like Frank.”
Passenger: “Who?”
Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”
Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
Passenger: “Sounds like he was really something special.”
Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”
Passenger: “Wow, what a guy!”
Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
Passenger: “How did you meet him?”
Cabbie: “I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.”
Category: Trail Updates |
3-4-17
Weather: Warm Monday and Tuesday.
Conditions: Bergland Poor to Everyone else Good.
I would like to apologize to anyone that came up to ride our trails especially the end of this year. I am not sure what is going on with our grooming club. It seems like we decided it was not worth grooming any more this year. They trails around the area and north of here are all still grooming why we are not is beyond me. Don’t give up on riding in March, there are a lot of trails around here worth riding still, just not around the Bergland area. I promise you next year will be different.
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked
pretty good for a 60+ year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and I found
myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever
had a Sportsman’s Double?
‘What’s that?’ I asked
‘It’s a mother and daughter threesome,’ she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered
what her daughter might look like, I said, ‘No, I haven’t.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, ‘tonight’s your lucky night.’
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the
hall light and shouted upstairs: ‘Mom…you still awake?’
Category: Trail Updates |
3-3-17
Weather: Cold for now.
Conditions: Poor to Good.
I think you will be able to find some good trails for a few days, even after Tuesday I believe you will be able to ride but probably more so up north. This was one hell of a winter, temps were up and down all year. Totally unpredictable, LOL, is it just a coincidence Mother Nature is a women?
Category: Trail Updates |
