Bergland Bay Bar

The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started…..

______________________________ __

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.

I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’

‘No,’ she answered.

I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’

So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And that’s when the fight started…

______________________________ __

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

And that’s when the fight started…..

______________________________ _

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
table.

I asked her, “Do you know him?”

“Yes”, she sighed,

“He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?”

And then the fight started…

______________________________ __

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that
I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care
of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important
to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a
short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when
I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting
the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, “What’s on TV?”

I said, “Dust.”

And then the fight started…

______________________________ __

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2
seconds.”

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started……

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my
age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the
woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back
later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she
processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants.
You might have gotten disability too.’

And then the fight started…

______________________________ __

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.’

I replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”

And then the fight started……..

______________________________ __

I rear-ended a car this morning…the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said ‘I am NOT Happy!’

So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’That’s how the fight started.