Weather: Just fricken Beautiful.
Well yesterday was a bust, no bon fire or Bush Lights, Menards had 11% off so it was off to Rhinelander to pick up the rest of the flooring for the living room. Happy Wife, Happy Life they say.
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Weather: 60’s to mid 70’s this week.
Cloudy and overcast, good day to cut grass and have a bon fire. I better go get some bush light and put it on ice, what good is a fire without cold beer?
A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, “What do you expect for $10 — lobster?”
]]>Weather: 60’s to mid 70’s this week.
Big shout out to Brother Mark and Friend Wally for helping get Mom’s dock in.
A little cooler this week but surprisingly the Lake temp was not bad. I would like it a little warmer before trying to take the grand kids swimming but it is getting there.
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
‘Would you like dinner?’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
‘What are my choices?’ John asked.
‘Yes or no,’ she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached,
she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.’
SMART
ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big
enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ‘ Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead…’
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his
window. ‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART
ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead.
Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars
are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts
his hands on his hips and says, ‘Got stuck, huh?’
The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.’
SMART
ASS ANSWER
OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any
excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses
whatsoever!’
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, ‘What would you say if
tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher
smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, ‘Well, I guess you’d have to
write the exam with your other hand.’
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Weather: Again with the Sunny and Hot.
Beautiful weather here in the UP, you guys can have your 90’s, 80 is warm enough.
I worked on the web cam at Mom’s again yesterday. Good news is I got the camera uploading pics, but I still can’t seem to get the settings right to run the live video. I’ll keep working on it, I have to work the next couple of days, but I’ll get back to it soon.
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A
man
walks
into a
restaurant
with a
full-grown
ostrich
behind
him. The
waitress
asks
them for
their
orders.
The man
says, “A
hamburger,
fries
and a
coke,”
and
turns to
The
ostrich,
“What’s
yours?”
“I’ll
have the
same,”
says the
ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will Be $9.40 please” The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next
day, the man
and the
ostrich come
again and
the man
Says, “A
hamburger,
fries and a
coke.”
The
ostrich
says, “I’ll
have the
same.”
Again
the man
reaches into
his pocket
and pays
with exact
change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. “The usual?” Asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says the man. “Same,” says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.” Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?” “Well,” says the man, “Several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.” “That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!” “That’s right..Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man. The waitress asks, “What’s with the ostrich?” The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say..”
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Weather: Sunny and Hot.
80 degrees for a few days, then 60’s by the end of the weekend for highs. Perfect weather.
The web cam at Mom’s house is down, I worked on it for a while yesterday but I am not sure what is going on. I thought it was a problem I created by messing with network settings but it seems like I do not have any power to it. We had some good lightning crashes around the time it went off and I am hoping the camera did not get hit.
Weeks after I finished up with the kitchen remodel Becker still couldn’t make up her mind on curtains. So I took on the task myself and got the job done.
Weather: Who knows for sure.
Yesterday was supposed to be high 70’s and overcast, but all of a sudden in the afternoon a thunderstorm came in. I had to wait until late last night to build a fire and bring out the tequila. Come to think of it, maybe the tequila has something to do with Mom’s web cam being off line. I’ll get it fixed today. Shit I just seen I knocked the weather station off line too.
Bubba and Billy Joe were on vacation in Houston, walking downtown, window shopping, and they see a sign on a store which reads, “Suits $5.99 each, shirts $1.99 each, trousers $2.49 each. Bubba says to his pal, “Billy Joe, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take ’em back to Alabama, sell ’em and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin’, ’cause if they hear your accent, they might think we’re ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us”. Now, I’ll talk in a slow Texas drawl so’s they don’t know we is from Alabama .” They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Texas drawl, “I’ll take 50 of them suits at $5.99, 100 of them there shirts at $1.99, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.39. I’ll back up my pickup and….” “The owner of the shop interrupts, “Ya’ll from Alabama, ain’t ya?” “Well…yeah,” says a surprised Bubba. “How come ya’ll knowed that? “Because this is a Dry-Cleaners.”
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Weather: Beautiful Again.
Great day to wake up in the UP, too bad I just woke up. I hate it when I wake up early like 4am, toss and turn in bed until 6am and then fall asleep until 12:30. I should have just stayed up at 6.
All of the ten senior members of the Board of Directors of the company were called into the Chairman’s office, one by one, until only Bob, the junior member, was left sitting outside.
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Weather: Beautiful.
Well it looks like Mother Nature is back on track. Summer may be in the UP finally. Keep them rays of sunshine coming, we need to warm up the Lake so we can start enjoying a midnight dip.
I have a few inquiries about rentals for snowmobile season lodging. I am working on putting up a new site for my house rentals. I will let you know as soon as I have it running and ready to take reservations.
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Weather: Warm for a week.
The nice weather is here to stay for a while. Some rain but above average highs. Beautiful night last night, Becker kept me up drinking all night, but in her defense, it was just too nice outside to go to sleep.
A hooded robber burst into a North Dakota bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
Weather: Rain and Warm.
We have some rain days ahead of us it looks like. 80 degree days are also coming our way. Cools beans, warm up the Lake so we can take a few skinny dips.
Todays the big day, I go for my “procedure”, worst part was not eating for a day. How the hell do people do that? All this suffuring just for the Dr to tell me I am a perfect asshole and not full of shit for one day.
NORWEGIAN VIRGIN WEDDING……
lightning-quick kick from a cow…right in his crotch; writhing in
agony, he fell to the ground.
“How bad is it Doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next veek and my
fiance, Lena, is still a virgin — in every vay.
to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week,
but leave it on dere as long as you can. He took four tongue
depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together…quite an impressive work of art.
their honeymoon to Duluth. That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped
open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She
said: “Olaf…you’re the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.”