| May 12, 2016
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5-12-16

Weather: All over the charts.

40’s for a few days. Nice weather for opening day. Worst part is I have a very good customer that wants me to take his wife out fishing. I hate fishing, it is boring, worms are slimy and if you do catch a damn fish your hands end up stinking. But he is a very good customer so me being Mr. Nice Guy I agreed to take her out on the pontoon boat so she could fish.

 

Bonefish-girl1

Two Trees and a Woodpecker  
 
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it,
but here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A smaller tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, ‘Is that tree a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’

The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.  The birch says, ‘Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that tree is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’ 

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies,
 
‘It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.  It is,  however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.’
Category: Trail Updates |
| May 11, 2016
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5-11-16

Weather: Gloomy.

Gloomy today and snow showers Saturday LOL. Life in the UP. Well maybe that will lift the burning ban and we can get back to building a fire and drinking beer. I got some steaks coming from Vollwerths I want to try out.

Walleye season opens up Sunday and the DNR has lowered the limit where you now can keep 2 fish between 13 & 15″. Hopefully that will bring a few more fishermen to the area this year. We could use the business, it has been pretty damn slow since the first week of March.

Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Alexandria , Minnesota .
The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole’s said,’Ole…What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes? You’re naked.’ 
‘Yah, I know,’ said Ole. ‘You see, I vas over to dat ‘playboy’ Swen’s for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Der vas boys and girls.’ ‘Is that right?’, his policeman friend asked.
‘Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, ‘Everybody get into the bedroom!  ‘So vee all go into the bedroom….where den he yells, ‘Everybody git naked!’ ‘Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells, ‘Everybody go to town!’
I guess I’m the first one here!
 
Category: Trail Updates |
| May 10, 2016
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5-10-16

Weather: Sunny.

We put Mom’s screened house up last weekend. I got a surprise when I looked at the web cam yesterday. The roof of the screen house is right in the view of the camera. Opps. Well I figured what happened was, I didn’t get the camera set up at Mom’s house last year, until late in the fall when we already took down the screened in house. We are thinking about building a new screened house that attaches to the house, if we do I will have to move the camera anyway. I’ll get it figured out by the end of summer.

Having Internet problems today, it is taking me a while to get this post out. Come on Charter………..

A little boy said to his mother,

“Mommy, how come I’m black and you’re white?”

His mother replied, “Don’t even go there, Barack!

From what I can remember about that party,

You’re lucky you don’t bark!”

 

 

Category: Trail Updates |
| May 9, 2016
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5-9-16

Weather: Sunny.

Looks like I forgot to post on Friday. Opps that 80 degree weather got me rushing outside and I forgot to hit publish. And you probably thought I was just hung over.

It was a beautiful weekend in the UP. Even those little black flies couldn’t spoil the fun. It was just windy enough to keep them at bay. Brother Mark came in from Duluth for Mother’s Day so Mom was very happy.

You  know there are so many TV channels, each one starved for new  programs.
In  a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter, seeking the main Cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who might Have some theories on the matter.
This TRUE interview went as  follows:
  The  lady reporter:  I am here to collect information on the possible Sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said:  Did you know that a bull mounts A cow only once a year?
Reporter:  (obviously  embarrassed): Well, sir, that’s a new piece of Information
But what’s the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?
Farmer:  Miss, did you know that we milk a cow twice a day?
Reporter:  Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting To the point?
Farmer: I am getting to the point, Miss. Just imagine, if I was playing with Your tits twice a day  …. And only screwing you once a year, wouldn’t you Get mad?
THE TV INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED  …

 

Category: Trail Updates |
| May 5, 2016
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5-5-16

Weather: Sunny.

Beautiful weather ahead of us. 80 tomorrow and a Sloppy Hoppy or 2. Gonna take an atv ride to Kenton. Might even get a little yard work in today, with a lot of emphasis on the little.

Gus was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.”

That same day Gus went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to Becky. At home, he found Becky was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the celebrated 69 position. Gus, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, Gus went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, “How did it go?”

“Well, not as I’d expected. When I fired the pistol, Becky shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air.”

Category: Trail Updates |
| May 4, 2016
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5-4-16

Weather: Gloomy again.

After today it is warm weather and sunshine. Might even go for that Sloppy Hoppy on Friday. Becker made it home yesterday, I’m not sure if there are any shells or rocks left in Florida.

Wife – “Where the hell have you been? You said you’d be done with golf by noon!”

Husband – “I’m so sorry Honey… but you probably don’t want to hear the reason.”

Wife – “I want the truth and I want it NOW!”  

Husband – “Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the button. ….. 

 

On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she’s offering me money. Of course I refuse it – then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton – and begs me to stop so she

 can buy me a beer. She’s such a sweetie, I said yes. 
             Before you know it – one beer turned to three or four and I guess we were looking

                 pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. 
             Now I’m in her room….clothes are flying …… the talking  stopped….and we proceeded  to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before

                 I know it the clock says 5:30. …… I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. …………
There. You wanted the truth….you got it.” 

Wife – “Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn’t you!” 

Category: Trail Updates |
| May 3, 2016
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5-3-16

Weather: Gloomy, Rain.

A few crapy days and then 70’s for the weekend. We need the rain, then the grass can grow and I can start bitching about that ugly ass chore. Last year I bought one of those lawn vacuums that you pull behind the mower, it is kind of a pain in the ass but the yard does look great when you are done. And the mower does have a beverage holder so I guess it is not all bad.

Hopefully the dock will be ready next week, not that I will be fishing when walleye season opens on the 15th, but just to see another sign of Summer arriving.

Becker is on her way home from Florida, Tammy, Laurie and her drove down and stayed with Tammy’s sister for a couple of weeks. I sure wouldn’t want to be riding back with them 3 in that little car with all the shit they bought in Florida. Becker probably has the back seat all full of rocks. (ever see the Long, Long Trailer with Lucile Ball and Desi Arnez?) Well homefully they make it home safe sometime today, the sink is full of dishes, I have no clean underware and the house is a mess.

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
 
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, “Rest in Peace.” 
 
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
 
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied,“Sir,I’m really sorry for the mistake”, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this.
 
Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note
saying, ”Congratulations on your new location!”
 
 
Category: Trail Updates |
| May 2, 2016
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5-2-16

Weather: Nice.

Yesterday was May 1st and I received my first of many mosquito bites of the summer. Oh what a joy, too bad the little bastard didn’t bite me the night before when I probably had more tequila in me than blood, that would have served him right. Let the fun begin.

We had a nice weekend, done a little yard work at Mom’s, actually just drank a lot and burned up brush that was laying around. Something about a fire that makes you drink. Needless to say not much got done yesterday.

The Rabbi’s Salary


The local Rabbi explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.

Mike Jacobs, who owns several car dealerships in the area, stands up and proclaims: ‘If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new BMW every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!’

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Cohen, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, ‘If the Rabbi will stay on here I’ll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education for his children!’

More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Goldberg, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, ‘If the Rabbi stays, I will give him sex.’

There is total silence.

The Rabbi, blushing, asks her: ‘Mrs. Goldberg, whatever possessed you to say that?’

Agnes’s 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:

‘Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, ‘fuck him!’

Category: Trail Updates |
| April 30, 2016
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not fair

Category: Trail Updates |
| April 29, 2016
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4-29-16

Weather: 50’s.

Another sunny day. I’ve been a little busy the last few days. Went to Wausau to pick up Miller’s truck, bought an atv to work around Mom’s house and most importantly got Mom a patio set for her deck. Now all I need is for my brothers to come up and use that atv to do yard work.

If you own a Polaris RzR click here

Couldn’t find a good joke for the day, orry gotta run, taking Mom to Duluth today.

 

Category: Trail Updates |
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